They told me to write.

note- add me on facebook to see previous posts

So I will. But for now, I'm copying something I wrote in a conversation. It explains where I stand pretty well, I think.

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i dont know what it is. i've just been praying God just keeps LEADING me.

for so long ive felt motionless

no

not motionless. but just... drug. through so much stuff. and its all a blur. like going to a class. and only passing it because of a curve

and not retaining but a few things about the entire class. thats what ive felt like for so long. and every now and then, i might have a moment wher ei learn and I can grasp something sharp and true in my life. I catch a glimpse of God at work. then I lose it

and i HATE it.

so I'm grabbing onto Him. I'm holding onto His word. I'm trying not to let go of Him, take my eyes off, for even a second. because we're moving too fast.

and it's like moving in the dark. if i let go, i'll fall, and it'll take a while to find His coattail to hang onto again.

and since I've had this mindset, ive been able to take steps forward instead of just walking in circles in the dark. and part of it is the pearls thing. i dont want to be a tainted vessel. i want to be working for Him

I want to be the first one on-call to do His work. and lately I've been taken off the call list entirely because I'm lost somewhere in the dark. Not gone. just... lost in God's basement or something, trying to find just a centerpiece for the dinner... and everyone else is sitting down to eat without me. because I can't find the stinkin centerpiece without His help

so. that is what it is. in jessica terms of course.
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I've just set out to draw closer in His word every day. to read other materials about other peoples' experiences. to share my own experiences. to look at WHO God is instead of what it is He (APPEARS to be) is DOING.
and focusing on a better prayer life. Just really trying to view myself and view others through God's eyes. fellowship with believers. And then lastly just surrendering my plans entirely and letting every day count
I'm conquering loneliness by learning how to let Him fulfill me and use me for His glory.


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All that jibberish being said.... The bottom line is, I have too much to say. I feel like my head and my heart are going to explode. I want to and need to start writing things down more consistently. I need something a little more than facebook I guess. And I have several things I want to put down right away, so this will be the first post of several.