Pearls.

Emotions are a funny thing. It is hard for me to determine if I'm happy being single or not, because some days I'm very excited to be single and then, other times, I'm struggling to be happy for my not-so-single friends. Sometimes I try to sit down and really seriously engage in the thought process of what would happen if I were no longer single. It's just hard to do. I immediately realize several parts of my every day life would actually need to change out of respect to the significant other. And also, there are so many guy friends I have that I would feel the need to take a step back from, out of courtesy as well.

This last thought really sent my mind reeling. So many amazing guy friends in my life... I don't want to give up any of them in exchange for just one! Take that as a compliment then, I guess, boys.

Even still, it gets more interesting.

There is a story that Max Lucado shares in his small book- He Did This Just for You- that'd I'd like to quickly recap for you. Pardon me if a detail or two is not exact. It's a story about a little girl who has a set of fake pearls that she absolutely loves to play with. Her father is an international businessmen and he brings back a real set of pearls for her as a surprise. Before giving them to her, he is putting her to bed one night and she says she loves him. He asks if she loves him enough to give him her pearls and she cries and says no. The next day, after much debate, she comes to her daddy and gives him her fake pearls and says she does love him enough. Then, of course, her father is moved by her interaction and gives her the real set of pearls.

How is this any different from our precious Father in heaven? He wants to bless us, but so often, we refuse to give up our silly fake pearls in exchange for His greater blessings.

Believe it or not, this relates very easily to the subject at hand.

Over time, I find myself going through spells of boy craziness. Maybe it's only a little crush here at work and a little crush over there at late nite. Maybe it's something I'd never pursue and never speak out loud.

But the reality of the matter is this: The more I hold on to silly crushes, especially when there is one here, one there, etc, etc... even if it's only because so-and-so has crystal clear blue eyes and a passion for ministry and the other has a knack for photography and a giving attitude.... those are all great things... but is it possible to say that by holding on, I'm clouding my judgment... I'm being distracted... and I'm giving away a pearl or two at a time... to someone who probably doesn't even know it, none-the-less?

And then, when it's time for God to really bestow His blessing... His plans... on my life... I'm not paying attention. All my fake pearls are not in one hand. I can't even begin to gather them all and trade them in. The real pearls are waiting- a job, a ministry, a new friendship... maybe a future HUSBAND? And my head is still spinning, too focused on the fake pearls, spread everywhere.

There are sides to every story. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be aware of those around you... because I'm not exactly trying to be single forever.

When I worked at the BG, one of my supervisors used to tell me all the time that the greatest accomplishment for a human is to conquer loneliness. Now, of course this is to be debated. It's definitely not solid truth. But it goes without saying that this is a huge task for most humans. And it wasn't until very recently that I seemed to wake up one day and realize that I finally have defeated this issue for myself.

It no longer bothers me to spend hours on end by myself. Not only that, but I don't waste the time I spend alone. I recognize it as time spent with my Father. And that being said, alone time is suddenly some of the most valuable time I can be given.