So I'm sitting here, stressing out over whether or not I passed my tests at work. Now, I know there are several different things I could throw out there to make myself feel better or worse. I'm mostly just considering what my life would be like if I'm jobless again come this time tomorrow. At first, I want to break down and cry and beat my fist on the ground like a child. I admit I might actually react that way regardless of anything I consider now or before then. That being said, I started to really wonder and ache for some sort of certainty about when I'll be able to be on my own again, living and having fun like I used to. I ache and desire it so much. The possibilities of what is to come is a neverending daydream for me lately. A new job, after being on unemployment since July, can do that to you. Since I feel there is a significant chance I may be losing my job, already, it is easy to feel disheartened and feel that I will never again get to feel independence again, within the confines and comfort of my own apartment.
The reality of the situation, though, is quite different. For example, you know me and my weird small quirks and desires... well, I've been thinking a lot about the good ol days when I worked at Cracker Barrel. I worked there for 3 years- 03-06. Since I'm training in a new place, I always compare new places to where I've been and what not. For some reason, I've been craving a Momma's French Toast with Blackberries on top from Cracker Barrel all week long. As usual, God hears the smallest desires of my heart. I had ONE CHANCE to be social this entire week and I chose to spend it with my friend Hannah. She wanted to take our friend Danielle and me to Kaleisia. Somehow, she decided sporadically- and all on her own, without my help- to go to Cracker Barrel. Needless to say, I ordered the french toast complete with blackberries, whipped cream, turkey sausage, and fried eggs. And lucky me, Hannah treated me to it. How kind of Hannah, but more importantly, how awesome God is to hear the smallest desires of my heart- the ones that seem like nothing at all- and answer them.
In this seemingly small instance, it was then that I was comforted in remembering that regardless of what my circumstances appear as, God is still looking out for my best interest. If I'm at this job long enough to memorize almost an entire menu, to embarass myself in plenty of friends and family (hey! hows your new job? uhhhhh I was too dumb to pass all the tests!), and to make a hand full of new friends... well, then somehow, that was what I needed for right now and I'll be grateful for it. God has taken me since July without a job and He'll continue to do so... whether I work at Macaroni Grill or if I am jobless all over again.
It's good to be humbled. It's good to be reminded I'm who I am because of what He's done.
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